The death of a person is always a grief for his loved ones. At this time, support, participation and attention are very important in order to at least slightly alleviate the pain of loss. But sometimes it’s difficult to find the right words that can show your sympathy and encourage.
Instruction manual
1
Due to strong feelings and excitement, it is difficult to immediately find the right words suitable for the occasion of loss. Often people are limited to a clumsy formal phrase, which sounds as if for a tick and sincere participation is not felt at all in it. Therefore, it is better to think over your words in advance so that you do not inadvertently injure a person and show the full depth of your participation.
2
Much depends on how exactly you learned about the death of a loved one of your acquaintance, as well as what kind of relationship you are in. Relatives can call or personally meet with the mourner immediately after receiving the sad news. If you do not have such a close relationship or you are just colleagues, you can wait with condolences before the funeral and express them on this difficult day.
3
It is better to express condolences in person, when meeting, to look into the eyes, touch the grieving person and show that you are near. Telephone, written or electronic condolences are appropriate only if you are in another city and cannot meet in any way. In such a situation, it is still worth giving preference to verbal communication by telephone rather than a written message. The grieving person will feel your sympathy in his voice and he will feel a little better.
4
If for any reason you are unable to express condolences orally, you will have to do so in writing. A letter or telegram must be sent immediately after receiving tragic news - if a significant period of time elapses after the death of a person (on average more than two weeks), then your condolences will be inappropriate, in addition, they will once again remind friends, colleagues and relatives of the deceased of a recent grief.
A letter must be written by hand, and not typed on a computer. Typewritten text looks too formal and detached, so now is not the time to be embarrassed by your handwriting.
Start the letter with an appeal. Then bring your condolences about the death, write a few good, sincere words about the deceased, offer your help, express your willingness to support. Do not forget to subscribe at the end, and if other people join your condolences (spouse, children, parents, etc.), be sure to indicate this.
5
Expressing your condolences, it is worthwhile to select words very carefully so as not to say too much. Indeed, after the loss of a loved one, emotions are heated and even a careless word can seriously hurt and spoil the relationship. In this situation, you can’t move on to abstract topics, such as politics, gossip or official issues. Give the person time to survive the pain of loss.
6
In addition, there are other phrases that should not be said to the mourner. “Don’t cry, you won’t help him” is one such example; do not try to reassure a person with these words. He needs to express his grief so as not to contain negative emotions. And you may seem formal and insensitive, as if devaluing sorrow.
You can’t say bad things about a deceased person or condemn his actions that led to death. For example, the phrases “it was not worth it to smoke” or “I thought it was not worth it to go so late” are inappropriate. Any mistakes of the deceased person are unimportant, and do not blame him for anything.
Do not try to reduce the pain of loss by talking about someone else's similar grief. Such phrases can only cause irritation or worsen the state of the grieving, because he is now so bad. So do not use phrases like "my neighbor also lost her husband a year ago, but is getting married soon" or "I understand you perfectly, I remember my feelings from the death of my mother."
Respect the family of the deceased and do not try to find out the causes and details of death if they do not tell something. Curiosity is not appropriate at such a moment, and can hurt the mourners.
Do not use gloomy phrases like "we will all be there" and "such is life." They discount the loss, turning death into a rather ordinary thing, and even cause sad thoughts about the transience of life.
7
Choose the words suitable for the case yourself, so as not to quote phrases from the Internet. Sometimes it’s enough to say simple phrases “I’m sorry for your loss” or “I’m very sorry, accept my condolences” to show the mourner your participation. If you are close, it will be appropriate to offer your help with the phrase "if I can help you somehow, I will be glad." Sincerity, friendly participation and a willingness to help in such situations are simply necessary.
An oral expression of condolences should be short, especially if you are speaking at a funeral where many other people wish to speak with the mourners. At a personal meeting or in a letter, you can say more, remembering your relationship with the deceased, some kind of bright memory associated with him. You can not recall gloomy events or stories related to the causes of death.
Take into account the personal beliefs of the mourner. In condolences to religious people, it will be appropriate to mention the Lord and say that the deceased is now in heaven. But the atheist can take this as a mockery and mockery, so it’s better not to raise this topic.
8
If it is difficult for you to formulate your thoughts, you can use the ready-made phrase from the options below. Try to choose the most appropriate speech for the occasion.
"Accept my condolences and know that I am always ready to support you. Please do not hesitate to contact me for help if you need it."
"I am sorry for your loss. But remember that the person leaving this land does not really go anywhere. After all, he will always live in our hearts and minds, we will never forget him."
note
Do not use poetry when expressing your condolences. In this situation, poetry, especially copied from the Internet, will look out of place and too formal. Better use simple but sparkling phrases.
