Kindness, responsiveness, willingness to help other people are wonderful, worthy qualities. Unfortunately, sometimes these qualities are abused. Somehow imperceptibly, a responsive person turns out to be either a good girlfriend, on whose shoulder you can cry around the clock and load with your problems, or “emergency technical help” - free and trouble-free. And the fact that he has a lot of his affairs and concerns, finally, his own personal life, for some reason, no one cares.
Instruction manual
1
The fact is that delicate, well-mannered people, with a heightened sense of responsibility, often turn out to be good girlfriends. It is very difficult for them to refuse a person a request, they are seized with a fright: whether this would be taken for rudeness, arrogance, arrogance, or even cruelty. However, such people should also not be allowed to be abused with kindness.
2
Understand that it’s up to you to decide whether to help someone or not. Especially if it involves a loss of time, great effort, damage to your interests, personal life.
3
Convince yourself that you owe nothing to anyone. No doubt, helping people is a worthy, noble cause. But there is a reasonable limit to everything. No one has the right to constantly shift their problems onto your shoulders, instead of trying to solve them yourself. Because it already borders on the most real unscrupulous egoism.
4
Do not give in to explanations, do not make excuses. Just politely say: "Unfortunately, I can not help." If you consider it necessary, very briefly, literally in a few words, explain the reason for the refusal: no money, free time, urgent work, poor health, etc. Try to keep your tone polite but firm. Because, having felt your indecision, embarrassment, the annoying petitioner will surely try to squeeze you. Do not give him such an opportunity.
5
If you still find it difficult to psychologically refuse immediately when talking eye to eye - there is a good way. Say: "I can’t give an answer right now, I need to think (see the work schedule, check how much I have, etc.)." And after some time, call this person or send an e-mail with a polite but firm refusal. Like, I would love to, but really - I can’t!
6
In no case do not let us draw you into a conversation like: well, help me, what’s worth it to you. Politely, but resolutely stop both reproaches and flattery, they say, "Your chickens don’t peck money, you skate like cheese in butter, but you don’t want to help!" or "You have golden hands, this is a couple of trifles for you, and I will be busy for a week!" Do not be tormented by thoughts: "What if he is offended?" This is no longer your concern.
